Blood Cycle

You’re uncomfortable, it’s too hot, it’s an uneasy feeling, the cramps and then of course the bleeding. 

You want to sleep in and not wake up till the pain goes away. You simply want to do nothing at all, but sleep. Your breasts are sore and you feel like someone is punching your abdomen and your lower back. Having a civilised conversation, at times, feels like such a chore. 

You want to cry and then you want chocolate and then you cry while eating the chocolate. You want a hug, but you don’t really want anyone to touch you. You’re emotional and annoyed at the same time. 

And yet, most women have work to do, household chores or otherwise. They have to take care of others, do their chores like routine, as if nothing has changed and still do it without grimacing from the uneasiness. And most women won’t even complain, because it’s just something we all go through. It’s not like we have much of a choice. 

It’s just your uterus being pissed at you for not procreating. At the same time, for those who don’t want to procreate, bleeding for a few days a month is a blessing and a curse. 

And to top it all, tampons and maxi-pads are considered luxury items and taxed a bit more. Thanks for that, peeps! Also, around here, it’s not supposed to be seen. Like, getting your period is a shameful thing. It’s wrapped carefully in a bag and given to you. (Just like condoms, might I add, because, well, safe sex is also a terrible thing apparently.) We are bleeding and in pain for crying out loud. The last thing we care about is if anyone might just see a green or blue pack of pads in my bag. Deal with it. Just the way we all deal with the pain of the bloody cycle. Month after month, the same bloody routine. 

We should all be given discount coupons for Cadbury’s and Baskin Robbins during that time of the month. You know, just in case you need that little extra boost. 

I’d ask for others to cut us some slack around this time, given that we are generally primed towards feeling a bit low, tired and irritable. But, hell. That’s too much to ask for. Ugh. 

Yeah. Chocolate is always a good idea. 

Dating or some such Thing

Dating in your 30s is a whole different ball game. I guess it was easier before. At least that’s what I feel personally. I got introduced to my ex through a friend. I was with him for a whole 7 years before we decided that we weren’t meant for each other. We split up and moved on. I think we made it easier for each other when moving on because neither of us wanted to be with the other person.

After the split, I did try what everyone else was doing. Tinder and those other dating sites. And the one thing I found most common was that people didn’t want to date with the intention of taking it further. And that might work for some, but “wham, bam, thank you ma’am” isn’t really my style. Some suggested being in an open relationship. And some suggested that they would like to be friends with benefits. I never understood these concepts before and I certainly am not getting with the program now. These concepts are literally alien to me and I’d like it to stay that way. 

Sometimes I feel like the romance is just lost. So what is it that people want? “Hey! Let’s be together and pretend like we’re in a relationship. But at the same time we want to be able to see other people. You can’t be jealous if I’m on a date with someone else, but we’re still loyal to each other and have great sex, but we won’t do dates and dinners and movies. We won’t meet each others’ families but friends are okay. Let’s act like we’re married and almost live together, but if we need our space, we can stay away from each other and finally, if this isn’t going the way it’s supposed to, we can call it quits and move on because we were never in love in the first place.”

Well, that’s what it seems like to me. I’m quite sure there are a lot of benefits to being in this sort of relationship, but I just don’t see the point. I don’t understand it and I don’t care to. I suppose I’m a tad old-school. If you’re with someone, be with them. Fall in love, go on dates, spend time with each other, invest emotionally and be in it whole heartedly. Don’t like it, break up and move on. It seems quite half hearted otherwise. 

I want the whole deal, I guess. Considering I felt like I was cheated out of it before. I want flowers and cuddles and forehead kisses and a man who’ll say my most favourite words, “I’ll do the dishes.” 

But perhaps because I’m a tad older than 20, I’m a bit more set in my ways and it’s difficult to look at things from a different point of view than what others can do with ease. 

In any case, I’ve currently put a hold on this dating business. For now I’m content with my life. Life’s good. 

Soft, Sweet, Skin

Okay, so I was never one of those who enjoyed the extremely female ritual of rubbing sweet smelling lotions or creams into my skin. At best I would just use Vaseline for my cracked lips or a bit of hand and nail cream if my hands got too dry. 

However, very recently (about six months ago), did I find great pleasure in using these products. And they just made me feel great. Anatomicals is by far one of my favourite products, followed by the sweet smelling body butters from Bath and Bodyworks. 

Even if I’m running a bit late because my hair took longer than usual to do, I still make sure I rub some lotion on my hands and legs and feet. Not only does it make my skin feel hydrated, but it also just smells so damn good! (Absolutely love the smell of the avocado cream by Anatomicals.) Forget about not having dry skin anymore. I just enjoy the ritual of massaging lotion or cream into my skin. The massage makes me feel fantastic and voila! My entire body feels soft. 

Better late than never, I always say. And I’m so glad I finally found some love for this! 

Nothing

When I say that I’m doing nothing, I literally mean that I’m doing nothing. It means that I have carved out time from a busy schedule to do nothing. I love doing nothing. 

Nothing as defined by me is when I stay in bed, read and book and have my dog at my feet. When someone calls and asks what I’m doing, I say, “Nothing.” It doesn’t mean that that because I’m doing nothing that I’m free. It simply means that this time is my “nothing-time”.

There used to be a time when I was always up to something. Always doing something or going somewhere or simply pottering about the house cleaning or doing mundane chores. Nowadays I stop for about an hour or so either on a Saturday or a Sunday and just do nothing. It helps me calm myself down and recharge my batteries. At times I don’t even read. I just stare at the ceiling, curled up in my blanket and concentrate on my breathing — my own private form of meditating. 

This also taught me how to be alone with myself. I never knew how to do that before. It was always difficult for me to be alone. I was almost afraid of being alone. But now, I have no qualms about it. It actually gives me some space and the peace that comes with it, gives me immense joy. 

Therefore, I say once again. I love doing nothing. Sometimes, it’s the best part of my weekend.