Blood Cycle

You’re uncomfortable, it’s too hot, it’s an uneasy feeling, the cramps and then of course the bleeding. 

You want to sleep in and not wake up till the pain goes away. You simply want to do nothing at all, but sleep. Your breasts are sore and you feel like someone is punching your abdomen and your lower back. Having a civilised conversation, at times, feels like such a chore. 

You want to cry and then you want chocolate and then you cry while eating the chocolate. You want a hug, but you don’t really want anyone to touch you. You’re emotional and annoyed at the same time. 

And yet, most women have work to do, household chores or otherwise. They have to take care of others, do their chores like routine, as if nothing has changed and still do it without grimacing from the uneasiness. And most women won’t even complain, because it’s just something we all go through. It’s not like we have much of a choice. 

It’s just your uterus being pissed at you for not procreating. At the same time, for those who don’t want to procreate, bleeding for a few days a month is a blessing and a curse. 

And to top it all, tampons and maxi-pads are considered luxury items and taxed a bit more. Thanks for that, peeps! Also, around here, it’s not supposed to be seen. Like, getting your period is a shameful thing. It’s wrapped carefully in a bag and given to you. (Just like condoms, might I add, because, well, safe sex is also a terrible thing apparently.) We are bleeding and in pain for crying out loud. The last thing we care about is if anyone might just see a green or blue pack of pads in my bag. Deal with it. Just the way we all deal with the pain of the bloody cycle. Month after month, the same bloody routine. 

We should all be given discount coupons for Cadbury’s and Baskin Robbins during that time of the month. You know, just in case you need that little extra boost. 

I’d ask for others to cut us some slack around this time, given that we are generally primed towards feeling a bit low, tired and irritable. But, hell. That’s too much to ask for. Ugh. 


Yeah. Chocolate is always a good idea. 

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Dating or some such Thing

Dating in your 30s is a whole different ball game. I guess it was easier before. At least that’s what I feel personally. I got introduced to my ex through a friend. I was with him for a whole 7 years before we decided that we weren’t meant for each other. We split up and moved on. I think we made it easier for each other when moving on because neither of us wanted to be with the other person.

After the split, I did try what everyone else was doing. Tinder and those other dating sites. And the one thing I found most common was that people didn’t want to date with the intention of taking it further. And that might work for some, but “wham, bam, thank you ma’am” isn’t really my style. Some suggested being in an open relationship. And some suggested that they would like to be friends with benefits. I never understood these concepts before and I certainly am not getting with the program now. These concepts are literally alien to me and I’d like it to stay that way. 

Sometimes I feel like the romance is just lost. So what is it that people want? “Hey! Let’s be together and pretend like we’re in a relationship. But at the same time we want to be able to see other people. You can’t be jealous if I’m on a date with someone else, but we’re still loyal to each other and have great sex, but we won’t do dates and dinners and movies. We won’t meet each others’ families but friends are okay. Let’s act like we’re married and almost live together, but if we need our space, we can stay away from each other and finally, if this isn’t going the way it’s supposed to, we can call it quits and move on because we were never in love in the first place.

Well, that’s what it seems like to me. I’m quite sure there are a lot of benefits to being in this sort of relationship, but I just don’t see the point. I don’t understand it and I don’t care to. I suppose I’m a tad old-school. If you’re with someone, be with them. Fall in love, go on dates, spend time with each other, invest emotionally and be in it whole heartedly. Don’t like it, break up and move on. It seems quite half hearted otherwise. 

I want the whole deal, I guess. Considering I felt like I was cheated out of it before. I want flowers and cuddles and forehead kisses and a man who’ll say my most favourite words, “I’ll do the dishes.” 

But perhaps because I’m a tad older than 20, I’m a bit more set in my ways and it’s difficult to look at things from a different point of view than what others can do with ease. 

In any case, I’ve currently put a hold on this dating business. For now I’m content with my life. Life’s good. 

Nothing

When I say that I’m doing nothing, I literally mean that I’m doing nothing. It means that I have carved out time from a busy schedule to do nothing. I love doing nothing. 

Nothing as defined by me is when I stay in bed, read and book and have my dog at my feet. When someone calls and asks what I’m doing, I say, “Nothing.” It doesn’t mean that that because I’m doing nothing that I’m free. It simply means that this time is my “nothing-time”.

There used to be a time when I was always up to something. Always doing something or going somewhere or simply pottering about the house cleaning or doing mundane chores. Nowadays I stop for about an hour or so either on a Saturday or a Sunday and just do nothing. It helps me calm myself down and recharge my batteries. At times I don’t even read. I just stare at the ceiling, curled up in my blanket and concentrate on my breathing — my own private form of meditating. 

This also taught me how to be alone with myself. I never knew how to do that before. It was always difficult for me to be alone. I was almost afraid of being alone. But now, I have no qualms about it. It actually gives me some space and the peace that comes with it, gives me immense joy. 

Therefore, I say once again. I love doing nothing. Sometimes, it’s the best part of my weekend. 

My Special Corner


My balcony is one of my most favourite places in my home. I could sit there all day long and work or chill out with friends or simply listen to music and sip my chai. It’s perfect for beers, talking endlessly about almost anything or to just sit down with a book and read to your heart’s content. 

And now that I have these awesome nets up, the pigeons (and other creatures with wings) can’t mess it up by pooping all over my parade. Yes. Those birds were a menace and cleaning up pigeon poop every single day is no fun. (And honestly, it’s super gross!) Good riddance to those pesky creatures, I say. (If you’re a pigeon lover, I apologise. But I really really cannot stand them.)

After the nets went up, I decided that my little balcony needed a serious revamp. I brought out the carpet and the pillows and my tiny table and made myself a little corner on the floor, beside the railing. Fair enough, that when it rains it’s not going to be as much fun, and I’ll have to bring everything inside, but it’s lovely in this season! And Bangalore does have beautiful weather right now. (You know, the kind where you can snuggle up or sit outside and have hot cocoa early in the morning.)

This is now my new space. It’s completely devoid of negativity and keeps me positive. Even the dog loves it. He sits by my side when I read my Paddington Bear stories out loud (yes, I treat him as my audience) or when I just need an extra push to start my day. It’s my special corner and I absolutely and completely love it.  

Chai Time

So, I have this routine in the morning. I take the pup for a walk, run a little, make breakfast and then finally, I make my hot lemon tea and sit in my balcony. 

This tea time, is a special time for me. Rarely do I invite anyone to chill with me on a workday when I’m having my tea. If you’ve been allowed to do so, consider yourself extremely lucky. 

Before the hustle and bustle of the day begins with work and the stress and all that, I take 20 minutes. That’s it. Those 20 minutes are mine. I sit with my tea, in my balcony and enjoy some quality time with myself. I have great conversations with myself too. It’s the only time I think out loud and there’s really no one around to judge. Sometimes I read, sometimes I listen to music and sometimes I just sit on the balcony floor with my puppy and pet him. It’s a calming process for me. The jumble that has taken place the previous night and the brain-drain of the day moving forward, is turned down a notch or two, just by sipping some tea and relaxing my mind. 

It’s almost imperative that I do this every day. I don’t really need a jolt to start the day. What I crave is peace of mind before the day begins. 

Oh, how I love chai time. 😍

Stars in my Eyes

It’s Christmas time. It’s the most wonderful time of the year and all that. You know what I’m most thankful for? The love I have in my life right now. 

I am so grateful and thankful for what I have been given this year. It was full of ups and downs and acrosses. But it was still a wonderful year. I had a great birthday, went on vacation more than twice, kept the friends I had (considering how I annoying I can be at times; okay, most of the time), saw my parents love me more if that’s possible and watched my puppy become a stronger, more well-adjusted little fluff-butt. 

Yes. Christmas reminds me that it’s almost the end of the year and that I have much to be grateful for. The past is an island I rarely visit and this year has taught me to let go and find myself in a nice little bubble of happiness that no one can burst. Yes. I’m happy. And I’m glad I am able to say that.

Let’s not forget the Christmas charm and love and joy. 😃 

Here’s wishing everyone a wonderful Christmas week. 🎄

Other Fish in the Sea

So, there’s this girl I know. Amazing woman. Smart and pretty and all that. And she’s stuck on him. That’s great. But when he’s not stuck back or even mildly attracted to her, why bother? But she’s as persistent as my puppy when he sees a treat, that I just had to stop talking her out of it. Yes. I get that you want to be with him. Yes. He kinda wants to be with you too. But he’s not committed to you and is seeing other people. Even if it was just her and him in the mix, that would’ve been fine. But, hell, woman! You’re falling for someone who doesn’t even give you the time of day! He doesn’t even care as much as you do! 

How does one explain to someone that it’s not worth it? Oh, boy. There’s really no talking her out of it. She’s prepping for emotional destruction and I’m prepping for the alcohol and tears that come after. 

To be honest, I’m the kind of person that gets attached to people way too quickly. But I also detach just as quickly. It’s just my thing. I won’t hold on to someone that’s not going to be a part of my life. What’s the point? Live and let live, right? Also, you’re more often than not dead to me if you hurt me and leave me in pieces. 

Yep. I give it a few more months before I get that call. Unless things work out for her (in which case, I’ll celebrate with shots). Otherwise I’m just going to be that friend who listens to everything, pours the next drink and tells her that there are many other fish in the sea. 


(Yes. Jellyfish, because they’ll sting at some point.)